** RUNS AROUND LIKE A HYPERACTIVE FERRET FOR THE SECOND TIME THIS YEAR **
WAH HEY!!! WHOOPEE!!! WHOOPEE!!!! YAY!!!! YAY!!!!!! WHEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!
Oh dear me, Kitty's gotten herself wound up into another great feverish fervour about something! Why? Let's look at the telly schedules for a moment. Eastenders? Too dull. The X Factor? the 'Off Button Factor' more like. Nope - it's something else that's giving me ants in the pants. Ants. a clue. Stars of David Attenborough's Life in the Undergrowth.
Now you're talking. Instead of glorifying the many ways Simon Cowell has managed to produce programme platforms to praise Simon Cowell and Simon Cowell alone, I am instead going potty with anticipation for yet another slice of justified glorification not of arrogant celebrities, but one that celebrates living, breathing wildlife action. Uncut and unsullied by phone-in competition fraud, except perhaps, crew members posing as rutting stags.
Ah yes, the stags. Who could forget that rather odd case of identity fraud last series, where a rather dashing, lovely 'homo sapiens' tried to pass himself off as 'Cervus elaphus'? Alistair McGowan? Rory Bremner? Mike Yarwood? No. Simon King. Unforgettable. There's something in the air. A Brent Goose sporting the latest natty little transmitter number along the north Atlantic catwalk. I look to the mammals and see Red Squirrels making themselves up, combing their tails and practising that perfect pose to charm the nation's socks off. Instead of a diary, Scottish seals are passing on tales to their cubs. "I was on the telly last year, son!" "Yes Dad, you've told us all about 800 times now, so belt up and gimme another fish, I'm hungry!" The reason for this rapt, tense anticipation?
The aroma of spotlights, tea in Styrofoam cups and transmitter truck petrol unify themselves somewhere in Lancashire. Bill Oddie and Kate Humble are once again coming together to tease each other and enthrall the public with the antics of animal and bird species who will never have to humiliate themselves in front of some self-important judge in the middle of a talent contest only to be unjstifiably ridiculed. They are too smart for that. Their time is just around the corner. It is also time for us to prepare ourselves, too.
Time once again to get the video recorders set up, to unplug the phone, to get that bottle of Chablis out of the pantry, to order that celebratory pizza, to prime your fingers over computer keyboards to swap opinion over this feast of live nature.
At long last, it's time to direct our eyes to the Autumnwatch arena at Martin Mere again, in less than a fortnight! How good does 'less than a fortnight to go' sound? Bring it on, Simon!!!! Your audience awaits you again. Bring us the best of the action as well as you can! I'll be watching!!!!
LET AUTUMNWATCH BEGIN!!!!!!!!
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