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Having first seen the light of day on 10 March 1933, I celebrated my 75th birthday a few days ago. Being a serial lister, I thought it appropriate to start a new bird-list. I toyed with the idea of a 'Grey List' but that sounds a bit dull and boring; a 'Senior List' but that sounds patronising and OTT; so I decided I would opt for a more vibrant title - the 'Silver List'.
In deference to the 'Green List; I thought it best to post any ideas regarding a 'Silver List' on this same website: General Lincs Birding. In the weeks leading up to my 75 birthday, I managed to connect with most of the usual winter visitors plus some quality birds including Glossy Ibis, Cattle Egret (3 successful visits), Red-necked Grebe (Notts) and Black-bellied Dipper (E. Yorks). But now the Silver List beckons. I would welcome other prospective Lincs Bird Club Silver Listers to make contact on the web so that we can compare notes and plan ahead.
On a more light-hearted note (and all Silver Listers must have developed a sense of humour by now after over 50 years of dipping and being gripped off) here are a few observations and suggestions, especially so as to pre-empt other less focussed, and perhaps less charitable, ones being posted.
As Silver Listers, we must use as much modern jargon and as many buzz-words as possible so as to show that we are still 'with it'. Forget the past vocabulary, when we knew, for example, that "cleavage" was something butchers did. A "stud" was something that fastened a collar to a shirt, and "going all the way" meant staying on a double decker to the bus depot. In our past lives "grass" was mown, "pot" was something you cooked in and "coke" was kept in the coalhouse. A "joint" was cooked on Sundays and "crumpet" was what we had for tea. (Anon)... But times have changed . There are advantages for us, of course: we no longer have to pay for a licence to see a load of rubbish on TV; we can watch the rubbish for free (big deal!). We should have 3 categories of Silver Lists - Lincs Bird Reports, Non-Lincs Birding UK Only and Non-Lincs Birding Overseas. Now that we are on the threshold of entering the prime of life, we are entitled to award ourselves Special Bonus points in the following circumstances -
Silver List additions obtained when:
Ski-ing off-piste
Cross-country running
Parachuting
Hang-gliding
Piloting a Microlight
Entering the Manton Triangle without adequate back-up.
Sightings in the following circumstances would be non-admissable to the List: - where an independent authority judges the lister to be under the influence of excessive and dangerous amounts of any of the following:
Senior moment lapses
Cooking Sherry
Viagra-type Drugs
Strictly Come Dancing
Antiques Road Show
Des O'Connor
Nigella Lawson.
If there are sufficient serious Silver List competitors to engender some sharp rivalry, we could always co-opt a young gentleman (or young lady) in the 60-74 year-old bracket as a Junior Assistant to maintain our lists, - as indeed to the Green Listers - not so much because of potential memory lapse on our part but rather because of the possibility of age-related enhanced imagination and competitive memory addition syndrome... no less. There will be no subscription payable to be a Silver Lister. So many subscriptions have gone up recently, anyway. Last month, one Society wrote to tell me of an increase of £10 annually but instead of putting an increase of "£10 per annum" they carelessly put "£10 per anum". I've heard of paying through the nose but that is ridiculous. I would like to propose that the Silver Listers' logo should be Caprimulgus europaeus - the (European) Nightjar, especially in deference to many of our, and our contemporaries', domestic nocturnal peregrinations. It could well have been that the Nightjar was a favourite bird of my father as well as of certain past "celebrities": - the eponymous and famous 19 century author/poet and (closet ornithologist?) Edgar Allan Poe (1809-1849)
- the legendary actor W. C. Fields (1879-1946), who was particularly fond of Chamber Music
- the much-loved music-hall star, Marie Lloyd (1870-1922) (" I sits amongst the cabbages and peas)")
- my own father, Arthur Johnson (1889-1965), who was born into a bog-standard working class Victorian household characterised by grinding poverty. Typical of the day, he and his many siblings slept in one large bed, but unfortunately some of them were prone to bed-wetting. Things got so bad, he would tell us, that he learned to swim before he could walk. The worst nights were when it was his turn to sleep at the deep end. On a more serious note, however, one can say that he certainly had the last laugh. Although his mother (my paternal grandmother) "signed" his birth certificate with a cross - "the mark of the mother" (general education not having reached the wilds of Hessle, Yorks, when she was a girl) my father went on to produce four children of his own, - three graduating from Cambridge University and all proceding to MA (Cantab), strangely enough, all in languages - (Girton) Greek/Latin, (Pembroke) French/German and yours truly (Christ's) French/Italian. The other child was to marry and become the mother of the Californian - based Motion Film Executive Producer of a number of successful films inluding the recently released double Oscar - winning film "There Will be Blood" starring Daniel Day-Lewis (JoAnne Sellar - my niece). Arthur Johnson's mother would have been proud of him and Catherine Cookson would have loved his life story.
I would suggest two Field Trips for Silver Listers in the coming months (back-up medical support including defibrillators, portaloos and mobile rescue teams are still to be arranged). First, the Manton Triangle (third Wednesday of June) - bordered in general by Gainsborough to the West, Scunthorpe to the North and Brandy Wharf (off the A15) to the East. - "to boldly go where few birders have gone before and returned normal". (This will be a Joint Meeting with the Boothby Graffoe Darby and Joan Wild Life and Paragliding Group). this area is the strange and mysterious haunt of ancient megaticks. It holds many secrets and one can experience unexplained discrepancies in the time/space continuum. It has been rumoured that certain missing birders have occasionally been teleported to another point in space and time (a good excuse, anyway, if one's wife tracks you down to the "Dog and Duck" at closing time).
There are unsubstantiated reports of locals coming across an arcane and enigmatic individual, especially along the northern fringes of the Triangle who, at closing time and particularly during the height of the mating season of the endemic Yellow-bellied Goshawk, talks gibberish, occasionally appearing to be non-human and yet not quite alien either. It is also the haunt of the tortured souls of long-departed twitchers who cheated on their UK 400 lists and who continually wail "onLY HEAVENS knows why!", as they are condemned to experience an eternal cycle of ritualistic dipping of botched megaticks. Target birds; we shall keep a sharp lookout for
Yellow-nosed Albatross
Squacco Heron
Great black-headed Gull
Yellow-bellied Goshawk - a Lincs endemic
Stone Curlew (Lincs race): this is a superb, yet by some doubted, uniomystical Lincs race of the Stone Curlew which, Brigadoon-like, is said to emerge controversially from the swirling mists of recorded time every hundred years, often as a phantom bird suddenly appearing within telescopic view of unsuspecting birders. Some critics claim that this Stone Curlew and certain other birds appear here as terrestrial and aerial holograms which can only be seen by particularly sensitive and inexperienced birders.
NB. Any Time Lords reading this post are welcome to apply to be Trip Leader.
Second Field Trip - earthquake activity permitting - (third Wednesday of July) - The Donna Nook Mud Flats. Donna Nook, Natural History-wise, has received many seals of approval and the approval of many seals.
As kindly suggested by my dear wife, who is not a birder, we shall spend the day birding amongst the attractive red flags fluttering gaily in the summer breeze all along the mud flats. I am told that, for the general naturalist, there are often quite unusual shells dotted around at low tide. Target birds (and my dear wife has added the cryptic comment "in more senses than one"):
The large day-time flocks of loafing Gulls plus swirling groups of Waders which could suddenly burst/explode upon the scene to add to our delight.
Recommended dress: for some obscure reason and with a wry grin, my dear wife suggests steel helmets but, as the weather can be unpredictable in July, I would advise plus-fours, Australian bush-hats - with or without the corks, comfortable tweed jackets, stout and buckled walking shoes, hip flasks and briar pipes (for the ladies) - whereas the gentlemen will make their own decisions as to dress and extras.
Departure point for the coach for the Field Trips will be the Forecourt of the Lincoln Crematorium, by kind permission of their Sales and Marketing team. We may park our own cars in St. Peter's Close off Cadaver Street but in this area please undertake to park sensibly so as not to block the Main Entrance for any long-term visitors.
Finally, for our Inaugural Indoor Meeting (third Wednesday of SEPTEMBER) we have provisionally secured the services of Prof. Dr. Fritz Vogel, Director of the Berlin Institute of Avian Pathology, who will deliver his fascinating 4-hour lecture on "House Sparrow Parasites (PART ONE) with supporting overhead Projector and hundreds of colour slides. This is a succinct distillation of his riveting award-winning book:
"Der Haus Schparrow - Rottenitchen und Grossenskratchen Problemen"; 5 vols; 1775 pp; Acne Publishing House, Leipzig 1958 - Please note that as the Professor's English is a little limited, Miss Daisy Smith of the Navenby branch of the Women's Institute, who tells us that she achieved a good 'O' level pass in German in the 1950's and who recently returned from a week's Rhine Cruise with Saga Holidays, has kindly volunteered to be on hand to assist with any translation problems. (We hope to arrange for PART TWO of the lecture - also 4 hours - to be scheduled for Spring 2009). A complimentary glass (or two) of vintage Ginger Wine will be served at the halfway point in the lecture along with fresh organic cucumber slices (no crusts). A raffle will be held -
1st Prize - one Bill Oddie DVD
2nd Prize - two bill Oddie DVDs
3rd Prize - three Bill Oddie DVDs
Toilet breaks will be optional every 30 minutes before the interval and every 15 minutes thereafter.
Venue: The Potterhanworth Fen Senior Citizens' Jive and Kickboxing Centre, High Street, Potterhanworth. Please book early so as to avoid disappointment.
So, dear contemporaries, now is the time to ban dinner conversation on hearing aids, male breast reductions, Preparation H, Chiropodists and the not too-distant oblivion
-THINK SILVER LISTER - ACT SILVER LISTER - MAKE CONTACT NOW - and, with respect, the over 90's need to reply without further delay so as to benefit fully and not miss out.
Regards
Freddy Johnson
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