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Members may not have seen the following:
LINCOLNSHIRE NATURE - 01 APRIL 2009
News was leaked last night of an ongoing cull of all Cattle Egrets in the UK. The cull has been jointly arranged by the Government organisation DEFRA and the RSPB. Apparently in 2007, vagrant Cattle Egrets (Bubulcus ibis) arriving in the UK adopted a new behaviour pattern and began interbreeding with the UK's population of Little Egrets (Egretta garzetta), resulting in numbers of hybrids all of which instinctively flew south to Spain in their first winter. It is a uniquely UK problem as Cattle Egrets and Little Egrets in Spain and elsewhere in Europe do not interbreed.
The Spanish Government complained to the British Government that, by their hyper-aggressive behaviour and promiscuous mating strategy, these hybrid birds (Lirpa megaloofus semipalindromus) were impacting on both Little Egrets and Cattle Egrets in Spain. The Spanish complaints were intensified when another batch of migrant hybrids began to arrive from the UK at the end of 2008. It was initially suggested to the Spanish Government that the best solution to the problem would surely be to shoot any hybrids found in Spain. After all, they are easily recognisable having one yellow leg, one black leg and a red bill. However, the Spanish did not agree to this solution.
In January 2009, Fred Bloggs the UK DEFRA Minister, attended as guest of honour the Annual Dinner of the Royal Andalusia Shooting Club held in Seville. Starters included mock Turtle Dove soup, Pratincole eggs in aspic and sautéed Dupont's Lark on a bed of spinach, followed by 'peppered' Ruddy Duck with all the trimmings. In his after-dinner speech welcoming the British guest, the Spanish Minister for Hunting, Shooting and Fishing, Senor Don Francisco Luis Cabrera de Cortijo Grande y de Aragon (whom Fred Bloggs usually addresses as 'Don' - or on more formal occasions 'Donald'), stated: "Our Spanish bird-lovers (admittedly there aren't many, we are mainly hunters and shooters, of course) would be very angry if the Spanish Government even mentioned such a crazy idea as culling the hybrid Egrets in Spain. Only idiots and madmen and you cooperative British would consider culling birds in their own country so as to do another EU country or Europe in general a favour. I would be laughed out of Madrid if I were to even mention such a ridiculous scheme. No, the British should cull all Cattle Egrets reaching the UK plus any at present in the UK! Further, you British shouldn't forget the potential for extinction by introgression regarding our White-headed Ducks - everyone in Spain is talking about that very thing at the moment, especially on a Saturday night in the bars and clubs all over Andalusia... it's on everyone's lips, even half-way through the flamenco, and Placido Domingo has now recorded a popular song about it which has shot up to number one in the Spanish charts. You in Britain should also understand that the White-headed Duck plays a large part in our national folklore. Every Andalusian schoolboy knows that God in his wisdom gave it a shining white head so that our hunters and shooters could see the bird better as a target on a dark winters' day."
Be that as it may, on his return from Seville and with 'Don's' words still fresh on his mind, Fred Bloggs lost no time to act in accordance with the Spanish request: DEFRA and the RSPB moved speedily to implement a cull of all vagrant Cattle Egrets reaching the UK plus any already here.
Our 'Lincolnshire Nature' editorial team also acted speedily today and we attempted to contact some Lincolnshire Naturalists to ask their views regarding the cull so as to add interest to your new April Day. Unfortunately, our first choice, Professor Harrison OBE, Director of the recently established Boothby Graffoe - Mavis Enderby Avifaunal Institute, Lincoln was unavailable for comment, being abroad for the next week. The Institute was sure that Professor Harrison would wish to contribute an article on his return but in the meantime they gave us the contact details of Professor Harrison's old birding companion Corporal (Retired) Jon Freddison of Braceheath Bridge, Lincoln.
EDITORIAL NOTE: After leaving the regular forces, the Corporal joined the TA Volunteers. He was later awarded the Volunteer Decoration but for some obscure reason (modesty, perhaps) he declines from being known as Corporal (Retired) Jon Freddison VD.
At 76, he now considers that he has reached the prime of life, but most people who know him think otherwise.
When we interviewed him he presented his ideas and opinions with those annoying little mannerisms and in that peculiar semi-patronising and semi-detached way that really old people have. Further, his usual unusual usage of the English language was ever present. His memory must be letting him down a little now for he mentioned joining the RSPB in 1947 three times and connecting with Singapore's first recorded Spoon-billed Sandpiper in the 1960s four times. He had recently returned from his 22nd visit to the Witham St.Hughs roundabout in search of the Waxwing flock there, despite the fact that it is reported to have left several weeks ago.
At the start of the interview he promised that he would divulge what happened at a recent secret and unpublicised DEFRA/RSPB Committee Meeting called to discuss the Cattle Egret cull and which he and Professor Harrison attended as senior members. Further, for those who like a cryptic crossword challenge, he would explain how the singing French Sparrow co-existed in harmony with the negative Egret.
"But," he added, "I'll only tell you all that if you agree to include EVERYTHING I say in this interview and leave nothing out!"
Anxious to learn especially about secret DEFRA/RSPB culling policy we unwisely agreed. So we must apologise for what follows. For those of you of a nervous or impatient disposition or with better things to do, we recommend that you look away from your PC screen now, or log off. You have been warned!
A self-professed great lover of sea birds, the Corporal seemed inordinately proud of the fact that, even at his advanced age and with fading eyesight, he'd had two Shags (with a migrant Dark-eyed Junco) behind the bicycle shed by the Spurn Point Lighthouse as recently as last autumn (NB. Not a migrant Dark-eyed Junkie).
As a superannuated twitcher he cut a rather pathetic figure, enthusiastically showing us his "Birdwatching Diaries" going back to 1946, when he was still stranded in South Wales with the rest of his Second World War evacuee family desperate to return to London. Tightly clutching a dog-eared autographed copy of Richard Millington's 1981 "A Twitcher's Diary", he sat in his study surrounded by dozens of framed David Cottridge (et al.) faded colour photographs of "mouth-watering megas or semi-megas - at least in those days", successfully twitched in the 1980s and 1990s when he lived in Kent and nurtured an obsession with the UK 400 Club, before moving to Spain (1999-2002) with his 4th wife (the other three had left him with their stark parting words still ringing in his ears, "Birds! Bloody Birds!") and with his UK list still only at 397: "I should have counted some of those Lee Evans' 'dodgy specials'," he mused (Falcated Duck, Greater Flamingo, etc.) Anyway, for those 'Big Listers' interested (if they are still logged on) - and some of the older listers may well have seen the very same birds - his (inevitably boring) list included:
"A Dozen or so of the Best":
Parrot Crossbill 1984 Norfolk
Little Whimbrel 1985 Norfolk
Nutcracker 1985 Suffolk
Blackpoll Warbler 1994 East Sussex
Dark-eyed Junco 1990 Hants
Black-throated Thrush 1996 Cambs
Dusky (Naumann's) Thrush 1990 Gtr London
Savi's Warbler 1979 Kent
Collared Flycatcher 1984 Kent
Pallid Swift 1984 Kent
Sociable Plover 1985 Kent
Golden-winged Warbler 1989 Kent
Stilt Sandpiper 1990 Kent
Blyth's Pipit 1994 Kent
American Coot 1996 Kent
Laughing Gull 1995 Kent
YAWN! YAWN! ETC. ETC.
AD 397 and AD NAUSEAM!
but not forgetting
Cattle Egret 1986 Hants.
Fortified by a triple Vodka/Martini (stirred but not shaken - that's the cocktail not the Corporal) he answered our questions from the comfort of his motorised Zimmer frame with its padded seat and built-in cocktail bar. His pretty, blonde Nurse - aka his long-suffering 5th wife, Marilyn - was in close attendance. She began to wheel him off for his regular afternoon cocoa and lie-down, but we had to interrupt to remind him of his promise to tell us what happened at the secret DEFRA/RSPB Committee Meeting to discuss the Cattle Egret cull and also regarding the singing French Sparrow and the negative Egret. "Oh! All that," he said. "Well, as senior members of the Committee, Professor Harrison and I went along to the "Joint HQ for Culling Ruddy Ducks and Cattle Egrets" located at Shooters Hill, South East London. However, we had only been sat there five minutes when someone announced that the meeting was cancelled. So there you are, I've told you what happened, so keep your side of the bargain and publish our full interview. In fact, in view of the date, let's drink a toast to Lirpa megaloofus semipalindromus. Perhaps we should look forward and not backwards on this new April Day - but we must not forget the French Sparrow (aka Edith Piaf) singing about the negative Egret:
"Non! Non! Je n'egret rien!"
So, no regrets then? Cheers! Good Health! God Bless you all!"
EDITORIAL COMMENT: Well, we DID warn you! If you've got this far without logging off, you've only got yourself to blame. We suppose we have to thank Corporal (Retired) Jon Freddison of Braceheath Bridge for his 1st April ramblings but we are especially pleased to acknowledge a most interesting contribution from Dr. Gurpal Gosall of Manchester (see below).
We finish, then, with an edited cautionary tale sent to us by our roving reporter Gurpal Gosall: "Two trigger-happy DEFRA/RSPB Special Agents are out hunting a reported vagrant Cattle Egret in North Lincolnshire. Suddenly, one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are glazed and he is lying motionless on the ground. The other Special Agent whips out his mobile 'phone and calls the Emergency Services. He gasps, "Oh my God! I think my colleague is dead. I'm totally confused! What should I do?" The operator says, "Calm down! Calm down! I am sure we can help. First, let's make sure your colleague really is dead". There is silence. Then a shot rings out. Back on his 'phone, the confused Special Agent shouts, "OK! OK! What should I do next?" "
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